Birthday-itis

The Day I was on Facebook

Some years ago I went on Facebook - for a week or so. I must have joined near my birthday and was shocked to receive so many "happy birthdays" - clearly Facebook is programmed with the assumption that Birthdays are very important events to many people.

I left Facebook because frankly, I don't want lots of people saying "Happy Birthday" to me.

But Why?

 

Symptoms of  spiritual disease

For me birthdays have become a symptom of several spiritual diseases in the Western Church.

First, the love of pleasure, "In the last days... people will be lovers of themselves.... lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God." (2 Timothy 3:1-5). Out there in the world, men and women get their kicks from earthly parties and so birthdays are a really big source of earthly joy; that's why so much time and money and energy are poured into birthday events. But we, surely, have more Solid and lasting Treasures and that should be reflected in the lower-key nature of our birthday events. But is this always so?

A second disease is the lack of sacrificial love for others. What do I mean? In the world birthdays are so important people will take a day off work (even if it's inconvenient for their colleagues or their company); if they have any other regular commitment to any voluntary organisation or person on that day, those can all go, because "it's my birthday and that comes first". Christians are called to think of others in all their actions, "How will this action impinge on my brother or sister? Will I discourage or encourage them if I am away? Will I build up or destroy?" The writer to the Hebrews says "Let us not give up meeting together together... but let us encourage one another" implying that our mere presence encourages or discourages (Hebrews 10:25). So if my absence from a Christian gathering or ministry - because it is my birthday - would discourage someone, then I will gladly forgo my absence for the sake of others. When we make a decision to be among God's people, what should come first in the mind of a Christian is the impact on others.

I don't know about you, but I am profoundly discouraged when a brother or sister in Christ puts a mere birthday above meeting with their brothers and sisters in Christ: it casts a shadow over the whole event. I think - and I am right to think this - "we can't matter very much to them."

The third disease is the priority of the earthly family. When we come to know the Lord, our church family becomes our main family, our true brothers and sisters, according to Jesus, because it is now our eternal family. "Who are my mother and my brothers?... whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." (Mark 3:35). If there is a clash between meeting with our eternal brothers and sisters and meeting with our temporary soon-to-pass flesh family, that choice should be fairly easy to make.

The fourth disease is a failure of cross-bearing. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Mark 8:34). In other parts of the world, our brothers and sisters are sacrificing  jobs and homes, children and some their lives for the sake of the Gospel, but for us sacrificing a birthday is a step too far! If a mere birthday clashes with Christian service or a Christian gathering we won't give up that birthday for the sake of Christ! How far we have fallen! What small tiny sacrifices we are unwilling to make!

When it comes to birthdays, count me out!

So when it comes to birthdays count me out:  because birthdays have become for me a symptom of the spiritual poverty of so much of western Christianity.

Biblically, birthdays are zero events - they have no spiritual value. When mentioned in the Scriptures they don't come out well and prove how these events can so easily become opportunities for excess. Pharaoh murdered one of his chief officials on his birthday (Genesis 40:20), Job was worried about his children sinning on their birthdays (Job 1:4), Herod murdered John the Baptist on his birthday (Mark 6:21). No New Testament letter writer ever says at the end of his letter, "by the way, do wish John a happy birthday" or "don't forget my birthday."

Perhaps when it costs us to be a Christian then birthdays will automatically recede into the far background, where they belong.

So when it comes to birthday wishes, count me out. It's my small protest against excess. 

No redeeming features?

Are there no redeeming features to birthdays? I'm not saying that. It's good to spend time with family and friends. In the Old Testament God's people celebrated festivals - we need breaks and happy events. It's a matter of balance and priorities.

Let us think Christ-like when it comes to birthdays. If our birthday or the birthday of a loved one falls on a day when we are due to meet with our brothers and sisters, or due to serve the Lord in a regular ministry, let's either move the birthday to another day or forget the birthday that year altogether. Let's be moderate about our expenditure, above all, let's fix our affections on things above.

We're all against "Christendom"

The "community of Christians" and "Christendom"
There is a world of difference between the community of Christians, which the Bible calls the Church - made up of every true believer in the world today and in all past ages - and Christendom (which we'll define for this blog as the marriage of the word "Christian" and the word "kingdom", meaning earthly kingdom.)

Christendom, is any grouping that calls itself "Christian" but possesses political power. A Christian who is a politician isn't necessarily part of Christendom  - that may be his or her life calling from God. But a bishop who sits in the house of Lords, and wields political influence because of instituted religious power, is.

From the days when the Roman emperor Constantine "became a Christian", Christians began to confuse the church and the state. From then onwards they began to wield political power over unbelievers. Time came when over generations these religio-political leaders ceased to be true believers and they began to abuse their power and use it to oppose unbelievers. 

From this confusion the name of Jesus has been dragged through a thousand pools of mud as He has been associated with the Crusades, Witch Hunts, Inquisitions, and numerous other atrocities.

In fact it is probably impossible to speak favourably of the name of Jesus to a secular historian, before first denouncing the heinous crimes committed in the name of Jesus. We need to explain that true religion can go to seed - and in Christendom is certainly has. We need to explain that we find true Christianity in Jesus and the New Testament, not in Christendom.

We need to disassociate ourselves completely from all alliances with political power, for Jesus said that his kingdom was not of this world, and Jesus told Peter to put his sword away, and Jesus went to his death rather than calling down angels to protect him.

Here's the way it goes: 

In true Christianity, pagans persecute and Christians suffer. 

 In false Christendom, Christians persecute and pagans suffer.

The best book I've read this year....

The best till last

I've been reading many books on Gender and the Gay issue recently; this was the last book on my list, and frankly with an incomprehensible title, I was not looking forward to reading it.

Dreadful title, but an amazing book.....

What the book is about

Ed Shaw, the author, is a Christian who finds himself attracted to men - but he refuses to give in to same-sex temptations and lives a celibate life. This in itself, of course, is absolutely ludicrous in the eyes of the present passing western culture (denying yourself? - crazy, man) - but here's the value of this book - this book explains why such a life of celibacy is increasingly seen as crazy in the eyes of the church. And why so many  young Christians are falling for same-sex marriage errors.

What's happened is that the church (and I'm thinking of evangelicals) has failed to teach certain key doctrines or overemphasised other key doctrines, and the inbalance thus caused has resulted in Christians with a same-sex attraction falling for same-sex marriage errors. 

The moment you understand the lacks in certain teachings and the overemphasis in other teachings everything falls into place and the Christian who is of same-sex attraction can stay - blessedly, cross-bearingly, gloriously, freely, painfully, wonderfully - celibate.

So unlike all the other books on the gay issue I have read, either blatant attempts to argue that black is white or same-old same-old reminders of the "7 proof texts", this book is overwhelmingly positive and addressed as much to the church as to the struggling Christian. 

The missing doctrines

So  what's the church NOT been teaching in recent years?

(1) We have failed to teach that our primary identity is in Christ as a son or daughter of God. We have failed to big up our primary identity, which is the enormous privilege of being a child of God. And as a consequence allowed the world to answer the question: Who am I? with lies such as "I am gay" or even "I am straight." Our primary identity is nothing to do with our sexuality, and everything to do with our adoption as sons of God.

(2) We have failed to teach that our primary family is the people of God, not husband and wife + 2.4 kids. Jesus taught that his true family was made up of those who obeyed God, not his flesh and blood relatives. The NT radically downplays the nuclear family compared to the OT and bigs up the church as the new family of God. 

(3) We have failed to teach the doctrine of creation and fall. Our people have no theological tools with which to answer the "If I'm born gay, it must be right to be gay" tagline. They have bought into the world's teaching that "What IS is RIGHT", that you can argue from IS to OUGHT. But we know that what IS, is the consequence of the FALL and to determine what is RIGHT we need to turn back to Genesis 1-2.

(4) We have failed to teach that what makes us happy is what God says makes us happy, not what we tiny humans think makes us happy. Out there in the world what I think makes me happy is what I should pursue. But what if what I want to pursue actually won't make me happy (in the end)? What if staying in that difficult marriage might be the best thing for me? What if denying myself something my fallen self wants might be the best thing for me? Because God just happens to know better than little 'ol me? In failing to teach that "what makes us most happy is the will of God" we have left a vacuum which the world has happily filled.

(5) We have failed to teach that intimacy is more than sex (we have lost friendship).  It is possible, as David and Jonathan knew, to be very close to someone and yet not have sex with them. The world thinks this is mad and so reads sex in any and every close relationship. There is more to intimate friendship than sex. We need to teach friendships.....

(6) We have failed to teach the abiding differences between men and women. As we have bought into the "men and women are equal" mantra of the world, one of it's hidden corollaries has been that genders are interchangeable. Of course if a man and a woman are the same why not swap them over? A bloke and a bloke will do just as well as a man and a woman. We have failed to preach - and explain - the differences between men and women.

(7) We have failed to big up celibacy. Which I think we all have to agree is not a bad state, since both Paul, and more importantly, Jesus, were celibate. Paul says that he wants folk to be free of concern - a freedom which comes from being single. Some of the greatest Christians and some of the biggest contributions  to mission  have been made by single Christians.

(8) We have failed to preach the value and place of suffering. We have failed to teach that true Christianity is cross-carrying. So in not teaching this we have allowed our Christian folk to buy into the myth that if anything causes you to suffer (such as you imagine, celibacy will) run a mile from it.

I would add to these, the overwhelmingly heterosexual nature of Scripture. The case against same sex marriage does not rest on "7 fragments" but on the whole of the Bible, which is heterosexual because the Gospel is heterosexual - Christ (groom) died for the Church (bride).

The exaggerated doctrines

And what doctrines has the church been bigging up?

(1) We have exaggerated the heterosexual family.  We have - wrongly - held up the heterosexual family as the paradigm all Christians should aspire. In so doing we have undermined not only the church family (we are all brothers and sisters), but the single state.

(2) We have suggested that godliness=heterosexuality. Actually, godliness is likeness to Christ, and it is possible to find godliness in the life of a same-sex attracted celibate Christian as much as a heterosexual Christian. The effect of this identity (godliness=heterosexuality) has been a sense of real failure in the hearts of many Christians born same-sex oriented.

When all these teachings are put into place / corrected, you don't have to trot out the seven "Don't Passages" to make the case, you just have to live in a fellowship which preaches and lives the truth and automatically you will feel in your heart and now in your mind that same-sex practise is not the way to find true happiness.

Thank you Ed Shaw......

Raising Teenagers

Western Youth Culture is Pagan Culture

You don't need to be a prophet to recognise that the culture of our teenagers today is basically a pagan culture - pre-Biblical and post-Christian. Little of the Gospel - doctrine or practise - filters through the web to their smartphones or laptops.

This makes the task of raising our teenagers in the ways of the Lord all the more urgent and demanding.

The unique challenges of the age of youth
The particular challenges of youth, according to the Scriptures, are threefold. First, young people have the bodies and growing minds of adults without any of the experience of adults. The young prodigal runs off with half his father's wealth (Luke 15) but without the wisdom that comes with experience wastes it all.

Second, youth is a time when God can so easily be forgotten, because life is filled with so many new and exciting experiences (Ecclesiastes 12:1).

Third there are particular evil desires that inflict young people more than older people (2 Tim 2:22) - and these go further than sexual temptation and include vanity and zealousness - Saul was a zealot in his youth (Acts 7:58) -  what church has not experienced a young zealot going off the rails in their midst?

Youth, on the other hand, can be a time of great spiritual usefulness and growth. Samuel led God's people from his youth (1 Sam 12:2), David killed Goliath in his youth (1 Samuel 17) and Daniel plus his three friends stood up for the Lord in their youth (Daniel 1-3). Youth need not be a time of wastefulness and wandering - but it so easily can be.

So how should we guide our young people?
We ought to pray for them - and for ourselves so that we might be granted wisdom to bring them up wisely.

We ought to be patient with them, knowing the enormous changes taking place in their lives, not exasperating them (Eph 6:4), picking our battles and allowing many lesser things to pass by.

We ought to talk to them about God, since they so easily forget him in this season of life, but now seeking more creative ways to speak of him, such as those encouraged in Deuteronomy 6.

We ought to love them unconditionally, like the prodigal's father, who waits every morning for his son's return. Love must involve commending them for the good they do.

We must talk to them explicitly about gangs and sex and so on - if we don't talk explicit, we can be sure someone else will - and that someone will likely be the pagan WWW. Every Christian parent ought to make a detailed study of Proverbs 1-7 and there learn how to talk to their teenager. We have the experience they don't have, and we have an obligation to pass it on.

Finally, they need to be taught about and protected from the real dangers on the internet. Parents need to wake up to the wickedness freely available online - before their "dear pure child" is potentially polluted and corrupted by the world.

Some internet guidelines
Here are some guidelines to protect your child from the dangers online:

1. talk openly about these dangers
2. only have an ISP which will block evil at source - and then block it
3. have accountability software on ALL devices - especially smartphones (Windows phones don't do accountability software well, so go for Android or Apple). "Accountable2you" and "Covenant Eyes" are two companies that will serve you well
4. Install Google safesearch across all your browsers

Parents must do this first for themselves, of course, and then - and only then - can exhort their children to follow suit.

What we do in our home - one example

We have used Talktalk's Homesafe since it came out years ago - it stops evil at source

We use "Accountable2You" software which gives a report on all websites viewed with a simple colour coding system (red, orange)

We use Google safesearch which blocks any remaining images or websites:

Powerful Prayer

Not all prayer is equal

Some prayers don't go further than the ceiling. If we "cherish" sin in our hearts God will not hear us, for example (Psalm 66:18).

Some prayers are diminished on their way to heaven by a husband's lack of consideration towards his wife (1 Peter 3:7). The prayers of uncaring husbands are weak.

Other prayers are powerful, however.

Before Daniel had even finished one of his evening prayers (Daniel 9) an angel was sent swiftly to tell him God had not only heard but answered the prayer as he began it! (9:23)

Steps to powerful prayer
What made Daniel's prayer so effective in heaven? Here are seven steps to powerful prayer:

Powerful prayers are serious
Daniel puts on itchy sackcloth, uncomfortable ashes, he fasts and he pleads with God (9:1-4). Some of this may be Old Testament attire, but the seriousness is for all believers.

Powerful prayers are planned
Daniel was a busy government worker who, because prayer was so important, had to schedule it into his life (6:10), three times day. This prayer was the third one of the day, it seems (9:21). We schedule into our lives all sorts of things we deem important: so too should we with our prayers and intercessions and petitions.

Powerful prayers arise out of Scripture
Daniel was "claiming the promises" of God. God had promised to restore his people to Jerusalem soon, Daniel prayed for it to happen. Daniel's prayer arose out of the writings of Jeremiah (9:2). He reasoned "God has promised it, I shall hold God to his promises". Powerful prayer, therefore, starts in heaven, comes down in Scripture to earth, and returns to heaven on the lips of his people. God could have planned history to miss this weak human dimension out, but he has willed that his promises shall be fulfilled through the prayers of his people. So when we are praying for loved ones, for example, rather than making up prayers, we could say to God, "It is not your will that any should perish (2 Peter 3:9), please save my son/daughter/wife/mother..." How can God not do what he has expressed is his will?

Powerful prayer is filled with adoration
Daniel's prayer is shot through with expressions of the greatness of the God to whom he comes, "the great and awesome God" (9:4), "the one who keeps his covenant of love" (9:4), the "Lord our God who brought your people out of Egypt" (9:15). Daniel is echoing what Jesus taught us to do, include in our prayers "hallowed be your name."

Powerful prayers are passionate for God's glory
What causes Daniel so much grief is not so much the poor condition of God's people in Exile, not the destruction of Jerusalem, not the broken up temple, but what all of these say to the surrounding nations, "Israel's God is pathetic." The honour of God's name is what disturbs this holy man most of all, "O Lord, hear and act. For your sake, O my God, do not delay, because the city and your people bear your name." (9:19).

Powerful prayer is penitent
Nothing is more prominent in this particular prayer than confession of sin, since it was the people's sin that led them into trouble. What is most notable of all, however, is that Daniel confesses the sins of his people corporately. Did Daniel really commit the long catalogue of sins he lists? No. But Israel's sins are "our sin" not "their sins." Jesus taught as much, "forgive us our sins" he taught us to say.

Powerful prayer is specific
Daniel does not ask God to "bless us", not that that would be inappropriate at times (Numbers 6). He asks for very particular things, that God would not be angry anymore (9:16), would restore his temple (17) and forgive his people (19). The sharper the arrow, the more effective it is.

It is possible to improve in the school of prayer. It is possible for our prayers to become more effective, for us to grow in prayer. And here, Daniel shows us how.

The Plague of Pornography (3) God's Cures for Satan's temptations

Get this sin into proportion
It would be all too easy to blow this sexual sin out of proportion. Yes, looking at pornography is a sin because it is sexual impurity.  Enjoying God's good gift of sex outside his decreed boundary - which is sex between a married man and his wife, alone - is sinful. We are called to flee sexual sin (2 Timothy 2:22) not flirt with it.

But it would be easy to get sexual sin out of proportion. It is surely no worse than pride ("I would never sin that way"), self-righteousness ("I have never sinned that way"), unforgiveness, ("I could never forgive her for that sin") or a judgemental spirit ("Aren't people who fall for that one pretty awful?")

This is not to deny the sinfulness of sexual impurity but to put all men and women on the same level - all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.

It is very possible for we Christians who have been brought up in a pure Christian home to find ourselves self- righteously setting sexual sin up as the mother of all sins, and disregarding some good old-fashioned planks in our own eyes, such as unforgiveness, gossip or greed or pride.

1. Start out with a righteous hatred
Sexual impurity must be put to death in the same way as other sins, such as greed, ("Oh she's just off on another of her shopping sprees"), lying ("I couldn't come to home group because I was ill") or unforgiveness. It starts with seeing the sin as God sees it, not as the world sees it or as one might have seen it / overlooked it in the past. Sin is an ugly monstrosity. We must understand sexual impurity as Joseph did, who before it came along his path, had already made up his mind and so said without a second thought, "How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" (Genesis 39:9).

Watching pornography is wickedness. Ask God to teach you that in your heart. Ask God daily to create in you a pure heart (Psalm 51:10). At this moment you may be unable to imagine that a sin your sinful flesh "loves", you will come one day to hate.
 
2. Set out to put an end to this sin
Secondly,  decide before God today, that you are going to war against sexual impurity. Many battles against sin take time, so the fight may take time: this is not to excuse falls along the way, but to recognise we have a powerful enemy, and if you have committed a sin on many occasions, you have sown according to the sinful nature seeds that will take a while to uproot; the sin is likely to have burned a path in your mind, which will take time to heal. Be patient with yourself, for God is patient with you.

3. Know that you have a Helper
No matter what secular help you might receive, it is very unlikely you will ever be delivered from besetting sins without divine help, for Satan has the whole world under his spell (1 John 5: 19) and Jesus alone can deliver you from sin. Be assured that the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. You have the Spirit of God dwelling within you, and with his omnipotent help, you can, you will win this battle. But don't trust one little bit in human helps or yourself.

4. Confess your sins to someone
You have already done that to God - many times, perhaps even with tears. It's time now to seek help from the body of Christ. Talk to a trusted Christian friend (who won't judge you) or your pastor - be assured he is more likely to weep with you than condemn. "Confess your faults to one another so that you might be healed." (James 5:16).

5. Begin to put this sin to death
No sin dies without its sustenance being removed. "Put to death the misdeeds of the flesh" (Romans 8:3). Write down all the sources of sexual temptation and begin to put them out of your life, one by one, or ten by ten. Are there places you go which now need to become 'no go'? Are there TV programs you can no longer watch? Are there people who you must say goodbye to - forever?  Perhaps you have to get rid of the TV, or come off facebook, or end all Internet use for a few years. A few years? How serious are you? "If your right hand / eye causes you to sin cut it off / gouge it out" - sounds like radical action to me.

Put in place layers of Internet protection: go for one of the increasing number of Internet Service Providers who block porn at source, use accountability software like Covenant Eyes or Accountable to you. Use Google's safesearchlock.

But do not do any of this on your own. Without the aid of the Holy Spirit - without prayerful dependence on the power of God - you won't succeed. Prayerfully put this sin to death.

6. Know that as you battle with this sin, you are loved and forgiven!
Astounding as it may seem, your sin hasn't altered how God sees you or how he loves you. Justification assures us of our righteousness in God's eyes - on account of the righteousness of Jesus Christ our Saviour, and God's covenental love assures us that we are eternally loved, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. This astounding grace is not an excuse to sin but an incredible motive to live a holy life! "You mean God still loves me in spite of my sin?! In response to such overwhelming love I want to work out my salvation with fear and trembling."

7. If you've been hurt, help and forgive
Finally, if you've been on the receiving end of this sin,  help your husband/wife to be held to account and help her/him put this sin to death. Know that his/her sin is nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her/his wickedness. "Every Heart Restored" will help you work through the pain.

(If after patience and help he/she stubbornly won't end the sin, consider divorcing him/her - because he/she is guilty of porneia and Jesus says you can divorce him/her for that (Matthew 5:32) You have no duty before God to put up with a serial-adulterer - for that is what a porn addict is).

There are now some wonderful resources available to help Christians through this particular besetting sin. Some are listed them below.  

Principles of Christian Parenting

#1 Bring up your children according to Scripture!

That’s what Paul means when he says in the second part of Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” 

In the first part of the verse Paul teaches that it is possible for parents to have a wholly negative effect upon their children: if it is done wrongly parenting will “exasperate” children. The positive way to parent is to do it in “the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Positively, this means that every parent should become familiar with the main parenting passages of Scripture such as Deuteronomy 6, the book of Proverbs, Ephesians chapter 6, Colossians chapter 3 and Hebrews chapter 12. 

Negatively, training in the instruction of the Lord means not following the parenting trends of our present age and being careful to assess the parenting methods which we were raised up in, according to the Word of God.  

#2 Love your children as God The Father loves

The first Person of the Godhead is called “God the Father” because of his loving relationship towards both his one and only Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and his relationship towards his adopted children, the church. And in these two relationships God the Father sets the divine role model for every Christian parent. And it is agape love that defines these two “Fatherly” relationships.

(i) The Father loves his One and Only Begotten Son

Jesus is just about to begin his daunting life’s work and God the Father said to him and to everyone who would listen: “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17)

From these words we learn three parenting truths: First, tell your children you want them in your family, “this is MY Son”, that you are proud that they are in your family. Second, tell your children you love them, “whom I love”; don’t assume they know, tell them verbally. Thirdly, tell them you are pleased with them, “in whom I am well pleased.” The world will hammer them, they need to know that you are pleased with them.

(ii) The Father loves his adopted children

 God the Father has adopted children too, his church. He longs for them to be in his family, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1) and has gone to great cost to achieve that adoption, “For God so loved the world,  that he sent his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him might not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16. Sacrifice is the characteristic of his love for us; and if we are to love our children in a Christlike way, we must be prepared to give up many things to love them too.  

#3 Set a godly example before your children

The golden rule of all discipleship is this: the amount of influence one person has upon another is proportional to the amount of time they spend with that person. That’s why 12 men turned the world upside down, they Acts 4:13, “had been with Jesus” - for 3 years, probably hundreds or even thousands of hours.

Since parents spend so much time with their children, they will inevitably be a vast influence on them.  There can be few greater motives for living a godly life in the home than this: our children will turn out like us. Our children will pick up on all our priorities and attitudes, whether for good or ill.

#4 Discipline your children in love

Discipline is the correction of wrong behaviour by some painful action. According to the Scriptures, discipline is necessary because children are sinners.  “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (Pr. 22:15). The “rod of correction” need not refer only to corporal discipline but may also be a metaphor for any painful action to correct bad behaviour.  To discipline well, we must first  learn to distinguish between childish irresponsibility and wilful disobedience. Childish irresponsibility requires teaching while wilful disobedience requires discipline. Wilful disobedience requires some painful action needed to correct it. And in this a parent must be proportionate, controlled, followed through and consistent.

#5 Teach your children the Scriptures

The fifth Bible principle is teach your children the Scriptures. According to Deuteronomy

6:4-9, we are to impress God’s Word on our children at all sorts of different opportunities during the day. We may arrange time during the day – right after evening meal? - when we read the Bible to them and pray, making this short, to the point and winsome.  It is not the church’s responsibility to teach children, it is parents’ responsibility, Ephesians 6:4. Anything the local church does, must be regarded as “icing on the cake”, additional to the fundamental teaching in the home.

#6  Maintain order: children are children and parents are parents!

Paul insists on order, in Ephesians 6 when he says that parents are to bring up children, not the other way round.  In our culture where order has largely broken down and there is a great drive to so-called equality, parents are in great danger of treating their children as equals. This is a wrong – and dangerous move. Lead your children, you know best. Don’t tell them everything that is going on in your lives – they cannot handle adult issues. Don’t think of them as your "pals": they cannot handle an equal relationship with an adult.

#7 Remember that childhood is unique

“Train a child in the way he should go. And when he is older he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6). The Bible teaches that childhood is a one-way street; that which is formed in the early

years shapes the character of the adult for life.  Everything we know from science confirms this, and it makes those childhood years so important and crucial. What a great opportunity a parent has to shape the whole future course of life in the first few years of a child’s life! How much help we need from the Lord.

#8 Remember, parenting is not everything

It is quite possible to make idols of our children and idols of parenting. But there is more to life than children. One day they will leave us, and if our world revolves around them, either we will be bereft, or worse, we will manipulate them to continue bringing us the fulfilment only Christ can bring. Some parents neglect one another as soon as children come along. Sometimes temptation leads one of them astray, or perhaps they just drift apart and become strangers – who then don’t know each other when the children have fledged. A God-pleasing Christian life is a life where every part is put into proper place. Where husbands and wives continue to have time for one another, where children are never given the impression they are the family idols, where the Lord is pre-eminently served and worshipped.

Happy the home that welcomes You, Lord Jesus,
Truest of friends, most honoured guest of all,
Where hearts and eyes are bright with joy to greet You,
Your lightest wishes eager to fulfil.

Happy the home where men and wife together
Are of one mind believing in Your love:
Through love and pain, prosperity and hardship,
Through good and evil days Your care they prove.

Happy the home, O loving Friend of children,
Where they are giv’n to You with hands of prayer,
Where at Your feet they early learn to listen
To Your own words, and thank You for Your care.

JB Dykes