Irreversible Damage: the book every Parent of a Daughter should read

                                                       

The Transgender Craze

There is no doubt that living in a fallen world, a small percentage of people will feel uncertain about their boyness or girlness. We live east of Eden and everything about us is messed up. No-one has escaped the twisting effects of the Fall. People with gender dysphoria ought to be loved and treated with respect. No genuine follower of Jesus could ever be a 'transphobe."

In this blog, I shan't outline the Biblical view of transgender, but concentrate on a craze that is spreading across America; and when America sneezes, we this side of the Atlantic catch a cold.

Abigail Shrier is an American journalist, who picked up on a remarkable change taking place among teenage girls over the last 10 years.

Ten years ago, say, those identifying as trans were a tiny minority of the population, and most of them were boys. Over the last ten years the number identifying has vastly increased and the ratio has flipped from mostly boys to mostly girls.

Shrier sets out to examine what is happening and comes to some conclusions. You may not agree with everything she says, but every parent of girls is wise to listen up.  

This book has had its critics - any book that questions the transgender craze will attract a flotila of detractors today - but it has been named book of the year by The Economist and one of the best books of 2021 by The Times. So its contents must attract respect.

What's going wrong?

In no particular order, many factors are playing into this craze. 

First, many girls are lonely and unhappy. They see each other in person less than a previous generation and tend to live their lives online. As if the teenage years are not filled with enough angst, today's girls are pushed to the edge. This unhappiness is the breeding ground for offers of salvation, and many of those offers are coming from the trans community.

Second, a host of young advisors have arisen online all pushing their peers into diagnosing themselves as trans. The mantra is that if you think you are trans, then you must be.

Thirdly, the so-called experts have adopted  "Affirmative Care" as their tune. The idea is that the child knows best and our task is to agree with whatever a child says. In no other area of parenting would such a preposterous stance be taken, but in gender ideology this is what you must do. The idea that a child knows best is of course ludicrous since children and adolescents by the very nature of this learning and formational phase of life need guidance and often change their minds. The facts are that 70% of children who question their gender grow out of it in time - it's just one very common phase of life. Many readers will remember passing through it.

Fourthly, parents are warned that if they do not affirm their child's new identity, the child might commit suicide. This "gun to the head" strategy naturally startles many parents out of pushing back - even though in many cases the self-diagnosis of their daughter has come out of the blue and been preceded by no evidence in the home: peer contagion is the real cause.

Fifthly, the online transcommunity can act like a cult. If any members of your family refuse to affirm you, cut them off. Marooned on a island of one opinion there is no-one left to lovingly give that 'push-back' we all desperately need.

Sixthly, in the US schools have become places of social engineering as much as education; places where the school presumes authority over the parent and gives out advice and medication unknown to the parent and over their heads.

Seventh, the administration of puberty blockers such as Lupron to delay puberty is dangerous.  Not only does it prevent hormones from washing over the brain thus helping it to develop; not only are its long term effects unknown, it sets the child on an inevitable journey towards trans. Why? Because the girl who takes them ceases to develop normally and becomes even more isolated from her female companions. This isolation merely fuels the idea that she must be trans. And so she moves onto testosterone, which now develops male characteristics in her body, with many additional potential new harms.

Shrier explains what happens once the treatment begins: How a girl moves from puberty blockers to testosterone to "top surgery" (breast removal) and then for a minority to mutilation of one of her limbs to form a 'penis' not.

What should parents of daughters do?

Christian parents need to share the Gospel with their daughters, in which we find our glorious and true identity, not in our gender or sexuality, but in Christ. We are made in God's image, redeemed by the blood of Christ, loved by God the Father, brought into the community of God's loving people. This is where we find our true and satisfying identity - not in the secondary or tertiary factors of our lives such as gender or sexuality.

Shrier urges parents of daughters to adopt a seven-point strategy to counter the transgender craze:

1. don't buy your child a smartphone - the source and cause of most new adolescent ailments today

2. dont give up your authority as a parent - you do know best

3. don't support gender ideology in your child's education

4. keep home life private - you don't need to post everything going on in your family online - which could add to stress

5. if your daughter is getting caught up in this craze take radical steps to save her - move city if need be

6. stop analysing and diagnosing every aspect of girlhood - every mood or emotion does not need a medical term or diagnosis

7. don't be afraid to celebrate the girl being a girl

Conclusion

This book has numerous stories about churned up parents, messed up kids and regretful young adults. 

I would urge every parent of girls to read it. You won't agree with everything but it will alert you to the deep problems and temptations girls now have to face in our disturbed post-modern post-Christian world.

Christian parents, not the state or the school, are responsible before God for bringing up their children. If our kids go astray into online cults on our watch, that is surely our fault.

Be informed so that you can love, teach and warn them.