A big surprise...
When I first heard the news that I was to become, God-willing, a grandparent for the first time, while delighted, I did not anticipate the intense feelings of affection I would feel towards our first grandchild, Charlie.
The world of literature and poetry is largely silent on this relationship and - perhaps surprisingly - so is the Bible.
The notable and charming exception in Scripture is Naomi in the book of Ruth who was so besotted with her grandson that the womenfolk around her chattered "Naomi has a son!"
Not a grandson, but a son!
Little baby Obed had clearly made the heart of grandma Naomi sing.
The same Naomi (whose name means pleasant) who had recently asked everyone to rechristen her Bitter!
Fortunes of all kinds changed with the birth of baby Obed.
So I have been pondering this whole grandparenting thing...
A mysterious love
...and the first conclusion I have come to is this: the love of grandparents is beyond rational comprehension.
A friend who fell in love with his now wife found himself in a parallel quandary - if that's the right word - he could not 'get his head around' the supra-rational experience of falling in love. He obviously thought that he should be able to rationalize everything.
I doubt grandparent love can be explained by biological or genetic connection.
Neither do I think it has much to do with the fact that grandparents see this baby more than others.
As a church pastor I am privileged to have many wonderful little ones in our church. We marvel at every baby and find them as sweet as can be. But there's something deeper happening with grandchildren. It's a mysterious connection.
But why should we be able to understand everything with our incy wincy minds?
One of the weaknesses of the ancient Greeks was to believe that reality started with thought and that reason could even trump blatant facts. So, if by deduction a Greek thinker could work out that horses had 24 teeth in their mouths, no amount of counting them would dislodge the conviction that horses have 24 teeth. A crazy reliance on the mind.
I diverge for a moment, but it was, for example, widely believed by the philosophers, theoretically of course, that no-one could live in the tropics... "it's just too hot" their minds convinced them. That is until some despised unphilosopher types - such as mariners and explorers - proved otherwise.
There is more to life than the mind. There's the invisible heart, the unseeable soul.
Grandparents see life with different experienced eyes
The second conclusion I have come to is that grandparenting is different from parenting.
You say, of course: you don't bear the same responsibility for a grandchild, etc., etc. and etc.
True, but I'm thinking more of the new perspective gained by decades of life experience which means that you view grandchildren quite differently from the way you viewed your own little ones.
Having been around the block once, we can now see what we never saw before.
On the one hand that means we are less concerned about some of the ups and downs - we know more about stages and seasons - and we know that, as a general rule, all things will pass.
But on the other hand we may be more fearful of wider dangers, for the world today's little ones will have to navigate is filled with more dangers than the perils our children were brought up in.
I don't believe this is a rosing of the past, I think in the western world it's a simple fact.
Grandparents get to enjoy the best parts of parenting
Without the exhausting business of childrearing, ranging from sleepless nights to dealing with illness and discipline, grandparents enjoy the best bits of parenting.
This more hands-off perspective gives grandparents time to ponder, reflect and rejoice in every small advance of speech, in the slightest progress of agility or leap in memory.
And in the world of smart phone videos we can enjoy these beautiful changes even from a distance.
Grandparents can give of their Time
Someone once said that in the case of grandparents, love is spelt T.I.M.E.
Grandparents can give to their children time to be on their own and time to rest by taking on the responsibility of grandchildren - even though it only be for a short while.
My wife and I are grateful for the time our parents gave to us. We would make it an aim to get away from town for a few days every year on our own, for example, at considerable grateful cost to our parents.
Parenting is an exhausting season of life and marriages can come under extreme pressure on account of the demands of little ones.
Grandparents can give their time.
And discover that for every ounce of time they give, they receive a pound of joy.
(Well, perhaps not quite sixteen to one.)
Grandchildren give hope
Naomi's past had been filled with tragedy. The loss of her husband and two sons in a foregin land. The parting of ways with one of her daughters-in-law.
In her own words, "the Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me."
Naomi's return home had not been a hero's welcome either. She was greeted with some disbelief, "Can this be Naomi?" Perhaps her demeanour been forged in the fires of grief. And without any menfolk in her family unit of self and Ruth, she also found herself impoverished.
Little Obed spelt not only a happier today, he spelt a better future, he spelt hope.
In the UK almost a million and a half elderly folk are lonely and one in four of the 11 million elderly folk in our land (16% of the population) suffer with mental health issues.
Gospel aside, we can but wonder if the lack of contact with children and the deprivation of grandchildren connection is a major cause of sorrow among our precious elderly.
A word to children with children
So may I include a plea for children with children? Honour your parents by spending time with them yourselves, thus paying them back a fraction of what they once gave to you. And allow your parents the health-giving joy of loving, caring for and watching your little ones grow up.
Don't allow yourself to become so consumed (or possessive) of little ones that you minimize your ties with parents.
Of course, you must never be bullied by grandparents who cross the line of parental responsibility (and believe me there are some meddlesome grandparents out there), but if you are wise you will seek and value their advice, even though the final responsibility will always belong to you.
A grandparents prayer
From the moment we knew a little one was on its way we prayed three things for our children. (What we pray for reveals what we value.)
I can never remember having prayed that our children would be wealthy, famous or successful in this present passing world, for not one of these things matters a jot in the world to come.
The Lord knows that we have made three frequent requests:
1. That they would come to know the Lord, whom to know is life eternal. This life is like a mist; we are here today and gone tomorrow. And since that future world is infinitely longer than this present one, preparing for it by knowing Jesus has been our number one prayer. Better a converted refuse collector than a pagan professor.
2. That if the Lord has given them the gift of marriage they would marry the right person, which always means that they would marry a believer.
3. That their lives would count in the eternal Kingdom of Jesus Christ. That they would not waste their short earthly lives. That on the last and great day when they stand before the Lord their loving Judge he will say to them "Well done good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’" (Matthew 25)
And this we will shall pray, God helping us, for every grandchild the Lord is pleased to bring into our lives.
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