mePhone, or the triumph of self
The most successful tech company in the world makes products beginning with the letter "i", lower case: iPad, iPhone, iPod, etc. The "i" does not stand for internet, but individuality, personal taste, we might say it stand for "I", or "me."
And so we could call the devices mePhones, mePads or mePods.
It is significant that the triumphant contemporary tech company has built its brand around the individual.
In Paul's long list of love's negatives we now come to self-seeking. He writes, when we translate it literally, "Love does not seek the things of its own." Here are some translations:
"does not pursue self advantage" (Phillips)
"does not insist on its own way" (ESV)
"love isn't selfish" (CEV)
"love does not demand its own way." (Living Bible)
"it does not insist on its own way." (NRSV)
You get the me-itis drift.
In the setting of the Corinthians Church(es) to which Paul was writing, Christians were thinking and acting in their own interests, not that of those around them.
For example, some of them knew that food offered to idols was OK to eat, so they just went ahead and ate it.
Ah, but they also knew that some of their brothers and sisters struggled with the very notion of a believer eating food that had been offered to idols, since they had spent many dark years in the demonic word of idolatry. How, these hurting believers reasoned, could any Christian eat that demon-touched stuff?
And yet this knowledge of their brothers' sensitivities did not affect these "strong" believers' behaviour! They did exactly what Paul is now explaining love does not do, went ahead and ate the food.
But true love does not "seek it's own."
What self-seeking is Not
Self-seeking is not shutting up about sin, just because the other person might be upset about it.
Self-seeking is not taking care of our own loved ones. Paul says that if a believer does not take care of his nearest and dearest he is "worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8).
Self-seeking is not defending primary truth - and doing so vigorously. Luther, Zwingli and Calvin were not self-seeking, though they drew alot of attention to themselves.
What self-seeking is
Self-seeking is at least three things:
First, it is the curse of wanting attention. This can happen in a hundred ways, but one of them is to sulk and pout, or simply wear one of those "I want your attention" mope around gloomy frowns. So that everyone asks us "What's the matter my lovely?"
Second, self-seeking is whenever I want my secondary doctrines made primary. There are a thousand (and one) secondary, tertiary and quaternary doctrines in the Bible. The exact interpretation of head-coverings in 1 Corithnians 11 is one. The precise sequence of events leading up to the end times is another.
On neither does our salvation rely. And yet Christians so often act as though heaven and hell depended on their interpretation! Christians can agree to disagree- and still love one another.
As a young man I came to understand Calvinism and for a few years I was nothing but a pain in the neck to everyone I met. All I could talk about was the five points of Calvinism! I wanted everyone to agree with me; I disagreed with everyone around me! That, my dear reader, was not loving!
Thirdly, self-seeking is when I want the world (read my marriage, my home-life, my neighbourhood, my company, my church) to fall in line with my personal wishes.
When I want the church to sing the song I like, when I want the sermons to say what I believe, when I want... I want.... I want.... I want!
The root of self-seeking
We are all guilty in one way or another of this terrible malaise. I am and you are. It stems from the radical selfishness that was The Fall of Mankind. The Fall in a nutshell was Adam and Eve going their own way, rather than God's way. And since then all we like sheep have gone astray. The Fall was all of us choosing our path, or perhaps we might say iPath, rather than God's path.
The cure to self-seeking
The cure to self-seeking, and hence the path to true love, is two-fold. First it is to deny ourselves. Second it is to seek the well-being of the other, whether the other is a wife, husband, homegroup or church.
Paul says in Philippians 2:4 that each of us should look not only to our own interests but also to the interests of others. Paul is not denying the importance of our own interests, he is saying "but as well as our world there is another world out there folks, open your eyes to the needs of others."
Love learns mutual submission. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). Love learns give as well as take.
May I give you a personal lockdown example? I intensely dislike Zoom. Whenever Zoom is optional I ditch out of it. I have set up an anti-Zoom Gazebo in my back garden so that I can resume face to face meetings with colleagues and friends even when it rains - instead of Zoom.
I'll explain in another blog why I dislike Zoom so much.
But every week I do Zoom meetings. Why? Because my personal preference must always play second place to the wellbeing of others. If I miss a Zoom meeting, will that discourage someone else? Perhaps stumble a younger believer? So I must daily put Zoom-phobia to death and Zoom for the sake of others.
A tiny example, but that is, I believe, how love must work.
Of course, there is only One who has loved perfectly. Jesus, and Jesus alone was not self-seeking, he was always thinking of the well-being of others. He was tired, but for the sake of others kept going. He saw sin, but gently corrected. In the end he gave up his very life so that others (we) could live, and love.
Summing it All Up
Whenever I want my own way, I cease to love. But whenever I make my own desires second place to another's I begin to love. Such love is never "grit your teeth" and bear it stuff. Stoic motives can be self-centred: look how much I am giving up! No, seeking the well-being of others is a source of divine joy and so is the art of self-forgetting.
A SONG FOR THE DAY
One of Graham Kendrick's will-last-a-long time songs is "Servant King." Time filters out the best of any songwriters work. Written in 1984, this song has stood the test of 36 years. My guess is that we will be singing it in 360 years, should the Lord wait that long.
From heaven you came helpless babe
Entered our world, your glory veiled
Not to be served but to serve
And give Your life that we might live
This is our God, The Servant King
He calls us now to follow Him
To bring our lives as a daily offering
Of worship to The Servant King
There in the garden of tears
My heavy load he chose to bear
His heart with sorrow was torn
'Yet not My will but Yours,' He said
Come see His hands and His feet
The scars that speak of sacrifice
Hands that flung stars into space
To cruel nails surrendered
So let us learn how to serve
And in our lives enthrone Him
Each other's needs to prefer
For it is Christ we're serving
Worship the King HERE.
Dear Father in heaven,
We thank you for your selfless giving to us today. Everything we enjoy comes from your selfless hand. You are the One who gives and gives and gives again.
When we consider today's element of love we realise how far we have and do fall short. Forgive us for putting ourselves first, and for doing so, so often.
Teach us to love like you. Fill our hearts with the love that sent your Son into the world, and with the love of Jesus who sacrificed all for us.
We thank you that through his selfless love we are saved.
We pray these things in His exalted Name
Amen
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