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Wednesday 27 September 2023

To Marry or Not to Marry - Now that is a Very Good Question

 

 A Couples World?

It is all too easy to gain the impression among our evangelical churches that the married state is the only option for believers to pursue.

For example when we preach on marriage and assume the teaching will apply to everyone. Or perhaps when we highlight Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Or when matchmakers in the congregation go to work subtly - or not. 

Or when we do not honour the singles in our congregations in the same way we honour the marrieds.

It's easy to do, and we can always default to Genesis 2 in defence, "God made Adam to marry and have an Eve."

The Fall Changes Some Things

But the Fall of Mankind has changed a few things.  For one thing, marriage has become more difficult. "Those who marry will face many troubles in this life." (1 Corinthians 7:28). 

Paul does not spell out what these difficulties will be, but among them must be strains in the relationship between man and wife, who are both selfish fallen sinners, plus the troubles brought upon parents by their children and grandchildren (not of course, neglecting the tremendous joys!)

Redemption Changes Some Things

The sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit adds a new dimension to the "should I marry?" equation too. The gift of singleness is now a possibility, "Each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." (1 Corinthians 7:7)

Add to this the new-born desire of a believer to serve the Saviour who they love, wholeheartedly, single-mindedly, without any distractions. "An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:32)

And on top of these redemptive changes, the example of the Man Christ Jesus and his Apostle, Paul.

The Fall and Redemption have changed the marriage equation in this present, passing world. 

So too - and most supremely - has this amazing heavenly truth: one day every believer will be truly "married." 

Since human marriage was modelled on the "Marriage" between Christ and his people (Ephesians 5:32) we will all enjoy capital "M" Marriage even if we never experience lower case "m" marriage. Heaven awaits every believer, single or married. 

And in heaven the faint echo of union with Christ expressed through human marriage will give way to the exponentially more glorious reality of true "Marriage" with Jesus Christ our Lord.

My (married, obviously) mother's famous hymn expressed this "M" Marriage hope:

Face to face with Christ, my Saviour
Face to face, what will it be?
When with rapture I behold him
Jesus Christ who died for me

Face to face shall I behold him
Far beyond the starry sky
Face to face in all his glory
I shall see him by and by

Only faintly now I see him
With the darkened veil between
But a blessed day is coming
When his glory shall be seen

Face to face, oh, blissful moment
Face to face, to see and know
Face to face with my Redeemer
Jesus Christ who loved me so

The Possibilities of Single Believers

Under the New Covenant, then, the creation ordinance of marriage is relativized on the one hand, and hope-gradioised for the world to come, on the other hand.

Every single believer ought to prayerfully ask themselves - has the Lord given me the gift of singleness? A critical part of that gifting lies in the ability to remain celibate, "it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:9) 

What amazing Gospel industriousness lies in the gift of single saints!

The teaching of the Church

And then the church, for her part, must back off from insisting singles should marry. She must stop pretending that the marriage state is for everyone. The church must honour the singles and make sure the real option of singleness is placed before every single saint.

For a sermon about singleness and marriage, see HERE.

AI Painting above:
"Dalle, draw a happy single person in the style of impressionist."

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